friendship

Intimacy

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There is a point I think everyone of us at some point faces…loneliness. God has said of this state, “It is not good for man to be alone.” That goes for moms too. (You can apply this to anyone universally.) We know what it feels like to desire to be apart of something bigger and not an isolated island. For us busy moms, even though we may be surrounded by a lot, still feel this interior pang.

Loneliness is a thermometer. It is to catch our attention and drive us to reach beyond ourselves to something greater. There are a few questions one must ask when these pangs are met.

1)Where is my heart? Am I close to God? If there is something blocking this communion, seek reconciliation. Spend some time in the Word and in prayer and other spiritual works. Journal life’s experience and what you are emotionally going through. This is especially helpful in keeping track of what speaks to you in prayer. Daily is the ideal.

2)Am I isolating myself and avoiding building a deep friendship with my spouse or circle of friends? If a block is discovered here the further question of why must be asked. There may be a hidden wound of unforgiveness or a wound of trust received by your own actions or by the action or comment of a friend or both. This is where the rubber hits the road. What should be done? Reach out. Put yourself out there. This can be a hard thing. But does not Christ do the same thing in an invitation to daily personal intimacy? You don’t have a circle of mom friends? What are you going to do? Don’t be discouraged. There are levels of intimacy and it takes time to build and flourish them.

3)Am I foolishly looking at myself instead of reaching out? In other words, am I throwing a pity party? Despair is the opposite of what loneliness is intended for and is a tool of the enemy to discourage us from deep communion and intimacy to throw us off track.

4)Have I been cooped up in the house too long? When was the last time I had a meaningful encounter with my family or sisters in Christ or parish family or other individuals?

Once these questions are asked comes the next step…action. What is needed? Communication. Be sensitive to small inspirations to call/text so-in-so or visit x. If you discovered a wound dig deeper in prayer and reflection and journaling. But still keep reaching out. Is God calling you to have a conversation and communicate the presence of this wound with your spouse/friend? Again in the meantime offer yourself still. Some instances are too toxic and withdrawal is necessary. Even professional help. But be careful that you are not jumping the gun in not so obvious cases. There is health in withdrawing and setting a boundary from these, but the level really depends on the seriousness of the offense and efforts at reconciliation.

In all events, keep reaching out. Call your local church for bible studies or other mom’s group or ministries. Volunteer, (possibilities are endless), visit someone in the nursing home, a neighbor, acquaintance or someone else in need. Go out of your way to do something special for your spouse or child. If there isn’t anything be a brave soul and start something. You’d be surprised at what God has in store for you and who He might have that will be just what you need. But it is a fact you need others and others need you. You need a close intimate mom friend.

One more thing about loneliness. This can also be a spiritual state before passing into the next stage. It really is what we do with it and our faithfulness. There are times when the feeling will not go away. Keep praying, living, and striving. Sometimes we just need to keep showing up at the post. Some of the greatest growth can happen here. Offer it to God as a loving sacrifice for someone. It can also be a symptom for health problems. But please don’t stop reaching out and do seek professional help if something is not feeling right especially if you have thoughts of harming yourself or others.