Hello dear friends! With me is a special friend from my community that has been struggling with infertility. Molly Huber has shared with us her struggle. Here’s our conversation.
How do you see God’s hand in your your plea for children?
In the past two years. God has always placed someone into my life at what I would now call my lowest points in dealing with infertility. The month I got married, not knowing yet that we would have trouble getting pregnant, one of my first close friends since moving to Dickinson had a baby boy. I loved on that baby with the hopes of being nine months away from having a sweet babe all of my own. I got to watch milestones with her, got to watch the excitement and exhaustion of being a new mom, got to see her pain as certain circumstances made reality the fact that this may be her only child. As I witnessed all this, I thought surely God would bless with me with several kids so her son could grow up and be a “big brother” to my own. A year into married life brought me to an appointment with a PA who had gone through difficulty in having her own child, and so gave me someone in the medical world to sympathize with and do everything she possibly could to figure out why I hadn’t become pregnant in the last year. In this past year, I’ve gained the friendship of a young woman who had been waiting for three years for a child of her own, only to recently learn that she can’t have children and God’s plan for her is adoption. I’ve watched her pain, her hope, her perseverance. Not any of these women or situations are me or mine, but God knew that I needed to see these women and their lives in order to better prepare my heart for the plans He has for me.
What is a word you would give to a young woman who wants children and is having difficulty?
I don’t have a single word for the young woman wanting children and having difficulty, I have an entire phrase for them. “It’s ok to be sad.” For six months in 2017, I was on medication to hopefully correct some of the hormone issues I’m dealing with. A combination of doubt, worry, hormones, waiting, and fear put me in a place of confused emotions. At work, in social situations, even with my husband, I felt like I was in this alone and had to put on a brave face for everyone. After talking with a close friend, however, she reassured me that it’s ok to be sad. I don’t have to have my feelings in control for everyone else. Once I figured that out, my emotional state improved dramatically. I didn’t feel on edge around others, knowing that I could be honest in saying that I wasn’t ok. And the important thing is, I didn’t stay sad. Yes, I have ups and downs still, but my overall sense of sadness has lessened by sharing that sadness with others.
How do you see God using you as a spiritual mother?
This time of waiting has given me an opportunity to be a better wife and friend to those in my life. I don’t always see those opportunities and capitalize on them, but God puts them in my path and I’m learning to love in those moments.
What do you feel the Lord asking as you journey?
God’s been asking me to draw closer to Him, which I’ve found can be difficult. It’s easy for me to blame God for putting me in this situation, for thinking I did something to cause my situation. It seemed like I couldn’t make it through Mass without hearing something in the readings that caused my heart to ache, though now I see that was God appealing to that very heart. There were times in our prayers at night when my husband was the only one that could vocalize our prayers for a child, as it was too hard for me to ask God for the thing I wanted most. I hate to admit I turned my heart away from God as much as I did, but there was always something to turn me back.
How have you grown through this experience?
In a conversation recently with a friend, I confessed that I was that person who would secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) wonder when my married friends would have their first child, then their second….and so on. My experience has given me a new perspective on family dynamics. Infertility is much more common than I ever realized, taking its toll on more women in my life than I ever dreamed. With perspective comes compassion. Femininity is a beautiful thing, but for many, it can bring a burden that can be scrutinized by even those closest to us. A little compassion towards the women in our lives can impact farther than we may know. Compassion shown towards me has brought about friendships with women who have suffered like me, and those women give me hope and beautiful examples of steadfast faith in those times of suffering.