A lot of poetry of late. Perhaps it shows a little the movement of my heart. But it seems to me that all these words of mine are nothing unless it moves you to live the faith you’ve been given. Movement takes effort. We can say, “Good God hear my prayer! Show me what to do.” That is good and it is the first step. BUT this is not the end.
Christ grab’s Peter’s hand and pulls him up out of the water. Indeed we have to call out to Christ but Peter first was WALKING on water. So much of discernment is just that. Taking little leaps or gargantuan ones…risk…steps. Of course walking on water isn’t exactly easy especially if the storm and wind blows about. Yet with each step taken, further strength is built to take another. Faith implies bold movement with the confidence that God will hear not just because he can but because he loves and has a plan. After stepping, it is sometimes necessary to regain balance.
The other day, I was in a kettle in Wisconsin with my boy-friend and we spent an hour trying to walk from one end of a massive branch to the other without falling off. It wasn’t easy. Sometimes we would only take one step and find that we were already loosing footing and ending up in the grass. Other times we would take 5 steps and still others we would find ourselves even three quarter’s of the way down and then dance crazily to maintain balance and fall off. There was one especially difficult section that was thinner with a BIG hump just before the end. No matter how hard I tried, I always found myself teetering off just before or after this troublesome hump. My love stood at the end, arms open wide waiting to receive me but I still had to get to him. He had mastered this before me and stood at the end to wait until I could too. “I’ll have a big hug for you! You can do it!”
I’m sure 20 minutes passed and I was constantly reaching the fall off zone and no farther. Then, I began discovering that with every step my balance was straighter my steps more determined and sure. Little by little the nuances of the stick were learned with weight applied and patience. In fact, the more impatient I got the more I fell off. Slowly, carefully after reaching the pinnacle of frustration I made my way. Sweatshirt off…Scarf. This was serious business. Breathe. Pause. Step. “Come Jacinta you can do it! Just breathe. Walk to me!” Breathe…Pause…STEP. I nearly fell off. Breathe…wait. Step…Step…the hump wiggled and began to turn…breath…step STEP step…pause Step…. I was over the hump! Step…step step…breath…totter… And then I did fall but it was into the arms of my beloved. I had made it almost not even realizing it. Those last few steps were in the arms of love.
Doesn’t God work the same way? He likes to see that we trust him. It is the confident trusting prayer that is heard. Tell him the truth. Just like it is. Remind him of his promises. It is not that God doesn’t hear us or is ignoring us. He is right there gazing at us with those eyes of love arms open wide. It is simply this…He could carry us if he wanted but what accomplishment is there in that? Love is definitely not always a feeling but a determination and choice of the will. God comes to meet us even as we fall. It is a participation. God desires us to work with him. Not as a mistreated slave but as his BELOVED.